YOU! The Most Important Model

In this chapter, we’re talking about my favorite topic. You! 

If our brain’s goal is to help you navigate the world effectively, the brain not only has to model the world around us, but also needs to model you. This model of you allows the brain to know how you, specifically, are able to do the navigating.

This model of your “self” is arguably the most important model you maintain because — as the saying goes — wherever you go, there you are.

This model of the self — like all models— is a simplified, imperfect model of our current status, our needs, and the gap between them. It may reflect reality well — or it may be totally divorced from it.

We can think about the model of the self in four parts:

1️⃣ Real self: Who we are today

2️⃣ Ideal self: Who we would need to be to meet all our needs perfectly

3️⃣Model of real self: Who we believe we are today

4️⃣ Model of ideal self: Who we believe we need to be to meet all our needs perfectly

I want to introduce four important functions here that, together, determine how stable our model of the self is, and how effectively we can navigate and function in the world. 

Identity is our model of our current-self. This model is based on evidence we’ve gathered over our lifetimes for how we work, and what we can and can’t do.

Self-esteem is a gauge of how well we believe we can meet our own needs. On the diagram above, it’s the gap between our model of our ideal-self and our identity. 

Self-reflection describes how well our identity and ideal-self reflect reality. It’s the process of looking inward to see how well our model of ourselves matches the evidence we have, and how well our model of our ideal-self would actually meet our needs. 

Self-actualization is our ability to achieve our goals and live our best lives. It requires an accurate enough sense of self that we can work towards our goals realistically and bring ourselves closer to who we want to become.

We’ll talk about each of these functions in turn over the course of this week, and then talk about how these pieces all fit together to create your experience of you.